Self Loathing

An uglier girl had never existed.
With a pug nose and wide high set cheeks
a double chin and tiny beady little green eyes
which were lost against her pallid, scar kissed skin
She was a conglomerate of all things unappealing.
To further compound her unattractiveness
she was short and almost perfectly round
her small breasts meeting her swollen belly and melting into a shelf of a rump and thick rumpled thighs.
An uglier girl had never existed
But under all of her ugliness
From the opposite side of her squinty spectacle ridden muddy green eyes
she looked out into the world and saw only beauty
Only the best of everything.
She laughed truly
and smiled readily, despite her yellow crooked teeth.
Most of all though
She loved profusely. Every tangible thing was hers to adore
from the birds
to the trees
down to the tiny atoms that made up her huge pink eye glasses.
The world was a wonder as viewed through the eyes of a child.
The ugliest girl that had ever existed began to age
The beauty which she saw in the world around her became marred by the heaviness of day to day life
and the acute awareness she began to feel
that she was the ugliest girl that had ever existed.
How could she not compare herself to the beauty she saw around her?
To the wind that whispered through the leaves and sent the sunlight scattering over the grass?
The sigh of a bird’s wings in flight as child like it rolls and swoops and dives?
Or to her ever loyal dog, whose bright golden eyes were only made more striking by her deep brown, curled fur?

How could she look at the beauty of a sunset
and not feel plainly her own inadequacy?…                                         How could she look in the mirror, and not begin to resent herself for it?           To not begin to resent others for it?

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s